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Happy Anniversary. And today is the moment when a miracle happens because we made it to 5 years.

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Dear husband,

Congrats! Yes… we passed the 5- year test of time. Even I had my mood swings (pregnancy distress), you are still there you have tried to understand. You snuggle up next to me whenever I cry. Trust me, I wish I had snapped out from the pain and worries in life.

I don’t have the right to complain about my worries because between the two of us, it’s you who has no more energy to go on. BUT, you never get tired of caring our clingy and crying daughter and taking care of our needs.

I see everything how you make me feel better by carrying my loads as a mother. You cook for me and even wash our clothes (while you watching Hannah at the same time) when I can’t because I have to take care and feed the little one

I’m sorry hon. I should have given you more time to sleep.

Hon, I appreciate every single thing you have done for the family. I may not be vocal and expressive about it (because I am an Asian), but deep inside darling, I do. In fact, I thank the Lord for how bless I am to have you.

I understand that we are both exhausted from being parents and it is hard for both of us to switch off from being mom and dad. It is who we are now, but promise you I am going to try to be a wife.

Giving you

A morning kiss
A whisper of I love you
A hug of goodnight
I want you to know that you are as important as our children. I may get hurt, and anxious but promise I am going to understand where you coming from. I wouldn’t change anything nor have another life. I love you darling and I love this life we have both created (both bad times and good times).

I admit life is really tough for us, but it is harder without you and it feels like a house that has no pillars. You are the reason why I am here now standing strong for the family. I really need a father of my children. It wouldn’t be the same without you.

Now in our new journey together (on this day forward) as I accept my full responsibility as a mom, wife, friend and keeper(very exhausting indeed), I won’t promise you anything, but whenever I am fed up and feeling like to quit, I will look back on all the memories and live the moment I first realized God gave me you. I will look for those millions of reason to stay with you and why I choose to marry you. In short…I will never ever giving up on us. Just I ask God to take care and protect our hearts.
Happy Anniversary. And today is the moment when a miracle happens because we made it to 5 years.

Long Distance Love

In our long distance married life, we can’t avoid to have doubts, painful expectations and demands in our marriage. I am very emotional and sometimes he complains because of me being so demanding. I know I might cause him to explode sometimes. However, Psalm 89 keeps me grounded as it mentions unfailing love and truth. When truth is ignored, love is compromised. The Bible says we should speak the truth with love – doing so help me to grow more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15). I won’t forget this if I love my husband, I should speak the truth and do it in loving way. I should tell him all my frustrations, hurts, insecurity and pains honestly and lovingly and not shutting him off. #lovingmyhusband #foreverinlove

A Message that has been long time forgotten dated : Thu, 29 April, 2010 5:21:14 PM

TIBOR………

    I know that our times together have always been great and I know things happen unexpectedly and it’s nobody’s fault. I have given things a lot of thought through out the day yesterday and night and this morning. I tend to rationalize things and to keep on asking why you did not reply on my messages both phone and e-mail. After I got your message this morning, it really made me so glad.
    I know i get upset or disappointed when I am not able to communicate with you. As you get disappointed too when you are unable to see me online. But it always give me something to look forward to the next time I do chat with you.
    I am not trying to rush things hon, but I can’t wait until certain things speed up and so, I’ll be at your side forever without having to be so long apart. What I’m getting at is,  you know I want only you, and no matter what, I want to be with you – In sickness and in health.
    As I have never loved anyone like I love you, I will never want anyone else as long as I live.
    I am not thinking negatively, but I want to grow old with you, but if some odd fatal chance something happened to you, I would never marry or see anyone for the rest of my days on Earth.
    My love for you is so strong and overpowering that it will never shared with anyone but you. I woke up near the middle of the night last night in tears from the Promise I am giving you.
    I thought of this song and I thought about us.” Don’t want to close my eyes, don’t want to full asleep cause I’d miss you baby, and I don’t want to miss a thing.
    I love you TIBOR URKOM!!!!
Yours Forever,
MARICEL

I love you, but you are so far away.

I saw in your eyes today when you realized what I had done – treating you like a baby. May be you don’t really mean it, but I was at loss of words crying. I saw in your eyes the pain, hurt and you wanted to break free. You felt I’m replacing your mother. But now that I understand the gravity of what I’ve done, my actions have me with remorse.
 
Why can’t I understand that you don’t want to be treated this way? Why is it so hard for me to understand that you don’t want me to check up on you because you want me to trust you even you give me worries? The misery I feel now show in how I talk to you and how I respond to your chats. I just don’t know if it’s our cultures or our attitudes have dissimilarities.
It’s just misunderstanding comes in because I think that ” checking up on you and showing concern” is my way of loving. But for you it made you feel stuck and your choking and can’t breathe (obsessiveness). What few problems we’ve had in the past have repeated all over again. Therefore, you don’t want me to be part of that beautiful times you had with your  working mates and let you do your own way with out me. I felt left.
We’ve been able to work through them with very little trouble before, right? But, why it happens again and again. Is it because we can’t forget after we move on? I know I’m really expecting a lot to ask you to continue making our plans with me, but I know it’s hard for you make plans with the person who makes you sick.
I don’t know what kind of love you do need and how you want me to love you. But, this is the best way I know that I can give – to look after you and to ask wherever you are and if you eat or your home. If these questions are so annoying, I’m sorry. Just don’t forget all the good times we shared and may you understand that’s how I am. All I want is to have a dialog with you and have willingness to open up yourself and keeping no secrets. I was expecting that wife should know how you are and what you feel.
I’m really sorry that these things made us feel differently. Now, I don’t know honey, I don’t know now how to make you happy and only least I can do is to check up on you.  Please tell me how? I will do it from now on because I want to save my love for you. Honestly, it’s hard to be away from you. I felt so limited, powerless, uninspired and unloved. If we keep on like this, I don’t think long distance relationship will work for us.

February 7,2013, Thursday :Our last days together before he departs back to Australia

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I just look so happy, but you can see in my eyes, I am hurt.

Have you tried being away from your love ones? How do you feel? When he told me he was leaving, it felt like my heart had ripped out.

I have tried to be feeling okay, but I am not. I do everything like making myself busy, just not to remember him, but there’s a pain that cuts like a knife inside that I’ve never felt before. Before when were having a long distance relationship, it was just fine. I felt excited when he’s online. It was just like an ordinary days.But now, you know the feeling that  there’s a missing link in your being. You couldn’t understand why. Suddenly, when you sleep at night, you can feel the tears on your checks. Your tears are welling in your eyes. You know you are terribly in pain because you miss him so badly.

I thought I can move on and do a normal life after he’s away, but it’s not. Everyday is getting much more difficult to carry out my everyday plans. I become lazy and unmotivated. Just can’t help it ,but I have to face the reality that we are no longer together. He is in Australia, while I am in the Philippines. Again, how we started as cyber lovers will end up as cyber married couple. I have to face that I am going to miss his touch, his kiss, his caress, his all being; I know I can’t do all these online. All I can do is to wait for him until he comes back in my arms.

***

You and I will meet again
When we’re least expecting it
One day in some far off place
I will recognize your face
I won’t say goodbye my friend
For you and I will meet again
-Tom Petty-

Tibor Urkom, do take care of yourself and keep the memories of our friendship and love a fresh. I will miss you and I’ve never getting over the pain. Parting with you is like parting my spirit. It makes me broken in spirit and soul. There’s no goodbye honey; just say, we’ll see you soon… until we meet again. I love you and I miss you like crazy.

Köszönöm Szépen Szivem!

 

 

Köszönöm szépen Szivem!

 

There are things in life that are inevitable, I am powerless to control them. The Sun will rise and set, the tide will come in and go out, the seasons will changed, the birds will fly. Caterpillar will transform itself into a beautiful butterfly.

 

I can’t control the moment you are away and now soon we will be together. I can’t even control our destiny that somehow, God will make our  best Love story.

 

Tibor,  from the moment we’ve meet again I will let you know that my love for you is burning very brightly. My heart longs  to be warmed when I passionately feel as I caress your face, stare into your beautiful face and tenderly kiss while you are lying on your bed at night. My heart longs to express my love for you especially now it’s your birthday. I love you honey more than you’ve ever known.

 

Hon, It’s hard to express how much I love you, so I write down for you.If you were here,  we could have candle light dinner and we had precious time together while you did dance with me in a soft melody. Wow!!! I could cook for you and we could eat in a simple dinner with wine as we celebrate our love on your birthday. We could spend the whole night together and forever.

 

I know you feel the same, but you are so miles away from me hon. I am missing you so much. If I can only touch you tonight on your birthday, if only I could, I would do all the things I could to express my love to you.

I want to romance and make love with you because I love you. I want all your heart.

 

I feel that I am so lucky that I have given chance  to love someone like you and be loved back.  Until the moment we tie the knot, I send to you across the mile my love, my warm embrace and my most passionate kiss.

 

 

I honestly love you,

 

Maricel

 

 

I Love You Honey

 

My beloved Tibor, 

I love you honey! Just writing to put smile on your face. I know how difficult you go through right now.

I love you honey because of your sweetness, your kindness, your tenderness and your thoughtfulness. Because of what happen, I’ve realized how much you love me.  If there is someone I would call in the middle of the night because of an emergency it were you. Thank you coz, I am the first person you could think of during an emergency like this.

In this time, i love you even more. I love you because I have been longing to get close to you again. I know you long to be close to me now. Hope you could feel how much I love you. I love cuddling with you as we sleep and watch TV. Hope I can be more expressive when we are together. Honestly, I love to be near you. I love holding your hand on a walk during the day.

You know, I want to hold your hands now, to make you feel that everything will be fine. I won’t leave you. I will assure you that I am here to stay despite of the storms that come on our way.

I love you Tibor because you listen to me as I share the small triumphs or struggles of the day. You never tired nor complain. You give me so much attention.

My love for each other is the important reason to live. You are healthy and young…

I know you will be fine. I love you honey. I want to see you getting older and have gray hair  holding hands and kissing each other.

I love you because in moments of friction between us, you hear me out when I explain. Even when you don’t agree with me, you listen with longing to understand me and persevere. I love because as much as possible you are careful every words you have said that won’t hurt me. You never did.

I love you because you respect me. You honor the woman I am. You love me for who I am even  I have tried to change to please you but here you are loving me for who I am. You suffer my imperfections and shortcomings largely without complaint.

I love you because you appreciate me. You enjoy and appreciate my efforts to make love with you.

I miss you honey…

 

Lovingly yours,

Che