Amahan, Inahan, Anak

Naughan na sa paglaum ning nasud kong gibayaan.

Oo nagahapdos ug midugo ang iyang dughan.

Ikaw anak nga maldito gipasipad-an ang pagmahal sa iyang amahan

pinaagi sa pagpitol kanimo na walay laing gusto ang bisyo druga, bino ug panigarilyo undangan mo.

Kay tungod nahadlok ka sa silot gipaningkamotan sa bakak ikaw midagan.

Nahadlok ka mahibaw-an dili ra diay druga imo negosyo giapilan pa man diay ug kawat kwarta ug boto sa atong panggobyerno

Gigamit ang kabus para sa tan-aw sa uban ikaw maayu unya imong amahan berdugo. Maayu gyud.

Maayu. Maayu kaayu nimo paghabi ug naanad ka na sa dautan.

Gigamit nimo ang imong gahum para lang imong amahan maoy muluhod kanimo ug paundayunan kanalang.

Hilom lang imong inahan naghilak Kansang nangandoy sa imong kaayuhan.

Igo nalang siya sa pagbakho ug pag-ampo.

“Ayuha Ginoo ang nasud kong natawhan. Ayaw tuguti nga sa yawan-on nga anak kini pasipad-an ug mamatay nalang. ”

Maricel Urkom ©photopin

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My child, why have you disrespected me? 

He is trying to hold back his tears not to show his weakness. But, he can’t. He is burning inside from holding back his pain. He is angry at her. He wants to shout at her, “You are wrong.” All these words were fogged up in his mouth. Can’t even say it. He loves her this much that he can’t even hurt her, can’t even rebuke her and can’t even stop her from hurting him.

In his thoughts,” She is wrong for disrespecting me. I’m her father. All I want her little love and understanding.”

Then she left. While her dad could hardly contain himself. He tried to vent out so at least to lessen the pain inside. He started telling their story from their happy moments together to that day when she left angry at her dad.

stock-photo-a-young-black-man-arguing-with-his-teenage-daughter-who-is-turning-her-back-to-him-604578332He warned me, “I’m sorry if I have to tell you this. You shouldn’t have to know. But, you see how she acts and talks to me in front of you.”

So I listen. I listened to his deepest thoughts hoping to get to his innermost feeling. At least, I could encourage him and help him to make things better between them.

He stood up and went inside the bedroom quietly. He picked the photo album of his daughter when she was five. While I was scanning, he told me all the details of the story behind each picture. He can still recall how good and obedient she was. I can only hear all appreciation from his mouth and of course every beautiful memory of every minute with her.

He deeply sighed. Trying to hold back his tears.

” She grew up so fast. Everything felt like just yesterday.”

“These are the evidence that I never been the least father to her. I took her everywhere and all the places you could imagine because I love her.” He utters.

Then in my mind, I learn that loving and raising your child are not  enough. There must be more than just giving them everything.  And teaching them to obey and respect don’t come as easy. It requires divine intervention. As they said, there’s no perfect recipe in becoming a perfect parent.

Money. Time. Effort. Everything her dad gave and did just to get her custody because her parents broke up when she was one. Wanting to be with her was always a struggle. Even for that very one day on her second birthday, she had only a few hours with her dad. Her dad took her to McDonald’s and begged other customers with children to join them in singing the birthday song. She was a little girl who couldn’t even understand the heart-breaking pain of a father just to spend every minute with his daughter. (This story made me cry)

It was hard for him really to balance work and fathering. But, he didn’t even care if he had to choose her more than his girlfriend; if he had to decline parties and gimmicks with friends over her because spending time with her is his true happiness.  Happiness that he is not sure now if he can still feel and have from her. She really made him devastated. But, he has to overcome for his new family and for his health sake.

He knows inside of him he became a father to her. He was there guiding her during her entire teenage life. Also, he taught her to survive life by teaching her how to drive a car. When she hit another car during the practice, her dad didn’t mind paying all the damages. Instead, he trusted her to drive his car. Imagine how happy her dad was when she got her driving license. It’s his  great  achievement and a sense of success for a parent after teaching her to be tough and independent. He must be a proud parent when she got her college diploma. The hard work has paid well. She becomes a successful lady and she is earning well.

And when she decided to get married. Her father was still there for her. Bought her gifts —a new fridge and gave her cash for a new car and other wedding expenses.

Not only that, he came to visit her helping around the house like changing the bulb and fixing the fence. Yes. It is an odd job that her dad won’t mind working for her because he loves her.  And, doing all these things give joy to a father like him. And so as she. She was so happy having her dad around. It is a mutual exchange of affection. She needs him.

She is hoping one day her dad would stay near her. It was the first time when she started to give back love. She hugged her dad tightly. She told him that she loved him. He was exaspirately happy.

She expected. She feared. She was broken when one day his promise became a mere fantasy.

Plans to live near her didn’t work out for a while when her dad’s wife (stepmom) got pregnant. But, he promised her to come back to settle near her. It was just he had to leave for now. They had to pack up and leave to his wife’s country the soonest as the plane allowed her to ride. Her dad thought this could be the best way for his family because in there his wife can get enough support from his in-laws.

Then on…

She was down and out. Then, love turned to fear. Fear turned to hate. Then, hate turned to anger. Her anger turned to rebellion. Because of this, she dishonored her father.

She closed her heart and became numb. She never felt anything for him anymore.She never answered his call, private messages and even tried to contact him. Putting walls is the best defense mechanism.

One day, she had to face her dad once again. Her dad was hoping maybe things would turn fine when they see face to face. Obviously, he was so excited to meet her. He took her half-sister at least, so two would feel comfortable inside the car. But, she didn’t talk to him. She snubbed and gave an air kiss. She was too cold to her dad that even I noticed it.

One day in a very special lunch, she chose to accompany her half-brother to see his dad in the hospital instead of dining with him. So her dad was asking if she could stay with him because she had nothing to do with her brother’s dad. (I’m sure her dad will understand if she only approaches him with respect.)

‘She yelled,” Don’t start with me, dad. I have to accompany him because he is my brother. Anyway, if you wanna see me, you know where I live. You know where to find me.”

An ultimatum from a daughter to her dad who raised her and whom she owe for who she is now. I know it is  hard to discipline an adult child because she won’t listen, she won’t understand and she is not willing to hear his explanation.

“I’m coming back for you and I will keep my promise to live near you.”

It’s over. She is angry.

So, her dad decided to toughen enough and distance from her. I don’t know if it is the best way, but I think it is the better way to cool things down between them.

As of this writing, I am still praying that it is not going to be too late to apologize and to mend broken hearts. This is because… honoring your parents always comes with a great blessing. Otherwise, it will always have a punishment from Above.  I just like to ask a little prayer from you that may both hearts will heal the soonest. Also to those parents out there who are having struggles with their rebelled adult child ( who might be experiencing the same, I’m praying for you as well.) I, myself, don’t know how to discipline them.  If you have suggestion, please leave in the comment below.  And, I will let God do the impossible job— mending broken hearts and letting go of pains so forgiveness happens.

 

Happy Anniversary. And today is the moment when a miracle happens because we made it to 5 years.

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Dear husband,

Congrats! Yes… we passed the 5- year test of time. Even I had my mood swings (pregnancy distress), you are still there you have tried to understand. You snuggle up next to me whenever I cry. Trust me, I wish I had snapped out from the pain and worries in life.

I don’t have the right to complain about my worries because between the two of us, it’s you who has no more energy to go on. BUT, you never get tired of caring our clingy and crying daughter and taking care of our needs.

I see everything how you make me feel better by carrying my loads as a mother. You cook for me and even wash our clothes (while you watching Hannah at the same time) when I can’t because I have to take care and feed the little one

I’m sorry hon. I should have given you more time to sleep.

Hon, I appreciate every single thing you have done for the family. I may not be vocal and expressive about it (because I am an Asian), but deep inside darling, I do. In fact, I thank the Lord for how bless I am to have you.

I understand that we are both exhausted from being parents and it is hard for both of us to switch off from being mom and dad. It is who we are now, but promise you I am going to try to be a wife.

Giving you

A morning kiss
A whisper of I love you
A hug of goodnight
I want you to know that you are as important as our children. I may get hurt, and anxious but promise I am going to understand where you coming from. I wouldn’t change anything nor have another life. I love you darling and I love this life we have both created (both bad times and good times).

I admit life is really tough for us, but it is harder without you and it feels like a house that has no pillars. You are the reason why I am here now standing strong for the family. I really need a father of my children. It wouldn’t be the same without you.

Now in our new journey together (on this day forward) as I accept my full responsibility as a mom, wife, friend and keeper(very exhausting indeed), I won’t promise you anything, but whenever I am fed up and feeling like to quit, I will look back on all the memories and live the moment I first realized God gave me you. I will look for those millions of reason to stay with you and why I choose to marry you. In short…I will never ever giving up on us. Just I ask God to take care and protect our hearts.
Happy Anniversary. And today is the moment when a miracle happens because we made it to 5 years.

Stars are not always beautiful to look at upon the dark night.

18/03/17 Stars are not always beautiful to look at.

It’s a beautiful sight to behold when stars appear at 🌃 night while she is sitting in the dark park carrying and feeding her hungry baby.Her child is like stars that envoys of beauty with a perfect and beautiful smile. Yes. It’s beautiful.But why can’t she, whose heart is frozen in darkness appreciate the beauty of it?

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She must be exhausted. She can’t even notice that she is wearing same clothes everyday that she forgets to eat to bath and even to brush her teeth — she forgets to laugh and to love herself. Even how beautiful the night, she can’t even notice them because her heart is tired from worries. What if she can’t protect them anymore.

What if their bright light slowly fading  away being drowned by darkness that surrounds them — bad people, uncontrollable accidents or even death. It’s not beautiful nor joyful to gaze at them at all. She is worried and even more worried upon her own death.

“What happen to my children when I die? ” she utters.

But she can’t control death and even can’t stop darkness to swallow  her alive. What gives her peace and happiness  is when she knows her little stars , her beautiful  children will stick to love one another — love that bounds them together through thick and thin.

And that one day when she’s gone, she is confident that her daughter will be willing to stand as the second mother to her younger brother and her son will always there for his sister to protect and defend her from all the men who will take her for granted.

And so from the day on forward, she can die and rest in peace.

Yes. They are beautiful to look at while they are still babies holding them in her arms singing lullabies joyfully. But when worries strike her, all the beauty have vanished just like that.  She forgets how beautiful to become a mother. Instead, she’s just so afraid what might the future brings upon her. And she is worried for the future of her children when one day she can’t hold them, can’t feed them and can’t sing them with beautiful lullabies. Because it is over. She won’t be there to protect and guide them. She won’t be here for long and not any longer. But, she trusts them to do the right thing in her absence.

Make your Trees Strong

These trees need a wind stress to be strong and so we are. We need problems, stress and difficulties in life to make our faith in Christ stronger. Remember the day when you cry and sincerely pray because you were in pain? Have you felt His presence? #Pray #lovegod #lifeisgood #MemoriesInPecs #Hungary #Abaliget

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Long Distance Love

In our long distance married life, we can’t avoid to have doubts, painful expectations and demands in our marriage. I am very emotional and sometimes he complains because of me being so demanding. I know I might cause him to explode sometimes. However, Psalm 89 keeps me grounded as it mentions unfailing love and truth. When truth is ignored, love is compromised. The Bible says we should speak the truth with love – doing so help me to grow more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15). I won’t forget this if I love my husband, I should speak the truth and do it in loving way. I should tell him all my frustrations, hurts, insecurity and pains honestly and lovingly and not shutting him off. #lovingmyhusband #foreverinlove